


Delusions of Grandeur

by portmanteaux



Series: Supporting Characters [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealousy, M/M, Tongue-in-cheek, Wall Sex, engaged!klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 10:49:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11160345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/portmanteaux/pseuds/portmanteaux
Summary: AU where Blaine and Kurt didn't meet until after college in New York. Rachel unexpectedly sees Jesse at work and gets herself into a sticky situation. She needs a fake boyfriend, and Blaine is too nice to say no. Kurt and Blaine (and Jesse) manage to get a little jealous in the process. Nothing too explicit or heavy, largely tongue-in-cheek. Originally written as part of a longer story, but I think it works better as a standalone.





	Delusions of Grandeur

            The door buzzer startled them both.

            They were on the couch watching _Charade_ —or, rather, making out with _Charade_ playing in the background—when the sound made them jump apart and then laugh at themselves.

            "I'll get it," Kurt said. He was practically on top of Blaine anyway. It was only fair. He went over to the intercom and pressed the button. "Yes?"

            "It's Rachel," said her distorted voice through the speaker. "Can I come in?"

            "Sure." Kurt pressed the buzzer and glanced at Blaine. "You might want to..." He gestured at Blaine's crotch.

            Blaine looked down at where his pants were undone. He buttoned them up and looked at Kurt. "Well, you've got sex-hair."

            "Sexy hair? Why, thank you." He went over to the mirror and teased his hair upward with his fingers, and Blaine watched him.

            Rachel's four swift raps stirred Blaine to action. He opened the door to find her wet and cold from the rain and looking completely miserable.

            "Rachel, what's wrong?" He put an arm around her and drew her inside. He helped her out of her coat and grabbed a blanket to wrap around her. "Here, have a seat. Are you okay?"

            She sniffed and nodded, sitting down on the couch.

            Kurt was standing off to the side now, looking between them in concern. Blaine shrugged and Kurt sat beside her on the couch.

            "How about some tea?" Blaine suggested, squeezing her hand. She nodded again, and he left her there with Kurt. He could hear snippets of their conversation while he filled the kettle and set it to boil. He hovered in the doorway of the living room, unsure whether he was intruding. Kurt waved him over, and he sat down on the other side of Rachel.

            "Rachel's ex from way back, Jesse St. James, is going to be her co-star," Kurt informed him.

            "Michael came down with pneumonia, and then his understudy broke his tibia, and today I found out that I have to act opposite the man who pelted me with chicken embryos!"

            Blaine looked up at Kurt in confusion, who shook his head. He'd explain later.

            "He saw me on set today, and he caught me off guard asking me about my personal life, and I lied and told him I was seeing someone."

            "Oh, honey," Kurt said softly, stroking her arm.

            The kettle whistled, and Blaine disappeared, returning with a mug of chamomile tea with honey, which she sipped gratefully.

            "I'm here to ask a favor," she said finally, having pulled herself together. "Some of the cast is going to this charity dinner event on Saturday, and I said I was bringing my boyfriend. I can't go alone."

            Kurt's brow furrowed. "What are you asking?"

            "I was thinking Blaine could go with me and be my boyfriend for the night."

            "Wait, what? Why me?"

            "He already knows Kurt," she explained. "It would only be this once, I swear."

            "Blaine was at all those show choir competitions, too. He might recognize him," Kurt argued, his resolve tipping into weariness.

            "So it's a great coincidence that we ended up together! It was a shock after our meet-cute to realize we'd grown up so close to each other!"

            "That was our _actual_ meet-cute!" Kurt said indignantly, gesturing between himself and Blaine.    

            Blaine shook his head. "Rachel, I don't think it's a good idea."

            "Look, I _know_ , okay, it's my fault for lying, but if I have to go to this alone, I'll be humiliated. Even if I found an actual date to go with, Jesse thinks I've been dating someone for months, and I'd get caught in a lie." She looked at Kurt pleadingly. "You can come too, Kurt! It's a public event. I'll buy both of your tickets."

            "You want me to pretend that I'm straight and that you and I have been in a relationship for months," Blaine said slowly, hoping that hearing it out loud would illustrate how ridiculous a plan it was.

            "Please, Blaine. I'll do anything." She really did sound desperate. "Just think of it as a performance. I know you're a wonderful actor."

            He opened his mouth to reply, but his voice caught helplessly in his throat. He looked to Kurt, who was biting his lip and watching him. Finally, Blaine sighed. "This is happening _once_ ," he said warningly. Rachel nodded eagerly. "I'll only do it if it's okay with Kurt."

            "I don't like it, obviously," Kurt snapped at Rachel. "You shouldn't have lied. But I know how much Jesse got inside your head. I'm not exactly thrilled at the thought of seeing him again, either." He paused for a moment, and took a clarifying breath. "Fine. We'll do it. Blaine can be your arm candy if he wants to."

            Rachel nodded and smiled. "Thank you both so much! Blaine, I promise I'll respect your personal boundaries! Thank you, thank you!"

 

\--------------------

 

            Kurt was watching his fiancé date someone else. It wasn't a real date, but that hardly mattered. It was bizarre.

            Jesse had been as irritatingly blunt and self-assured as ever as he was reintroduced to Kurt. He had definitely lingered a bit when he shook Rachel's hand. He seemed to be buying the act, if the calculating and mildly annoyed looks he kept shooting Blaine were any indication. Kurt thought Blaine was laying it on a little thicker just to enhance Jesse's jealousy.

            It was a bit ironic, Kurt thought, considering Jesse only ever dated Rachel in the first place as an assignment.

            Blaine and Rachel had met up to work on their back story: how "Blaichel" had met, where they'd gone on their first date, how long they'd been seeing each other. Rachel was nothing if not thorough. They'd even negotiated safe words, so to speak. If Blaine was uncomfortable or needed to get out of a conversation, he was to ask Rachel whether she thought _Bambi_ could be adapted to the stage. Rachel was to ask Blaine if he could remember who had won last year's Tony for Best Original Score.

            Trust Rachel Berry to come up with something like that.

            While Kurt was leaning heavily on the bar, waiting for his third drink, Blaine appeared beside him so their arms were pressed together from shoulder to elbow. Not unusual in the crowded venue. He ordered refills for his and Rachel's drinks.

            "How are things going?" Kurt asked.

            Blaine shrugged. "Seems to be fine. What do you think, am I pulling it off?"

            "And then some," Kurt muttered.

            Blaine frowned. "Is something wrong?"

            "No," Kurt sighed. "I'm just cranky. I miss my fiancé."

            "Your fiancé? Well, if he's so great, what are you doing here alone?"

            "Oh, he's out on a date with some floozy," Kurt replied, playing along and toying with the straw in his cocktail.

            "He sounds like an idiot.”

            Blaine was looking at him with bright, love-struck eyes. Kurt blushed and glanced around. "Put those away before someone sees," he hissed. "Anyway, I think we'll survive one night."

            "Of course. Rachel and her drama notwithstanding, there are some pretty cool people here."

            Kurt nodded and looked around the room. He guessed he might as well try and have a good time, even if it wasn't with Blaine.

            The bartender gave them both their drinks. "Okay. See you soon, handsome. Go easy on the vodka," Blaine said with a wink.

            "I will." They nodded awkwardly, unable to do anything more, and Kurt meandered through the room, headed back to his table near the happy couple.

            An hour later, Blaine's good mood had all but disappeared. He'd gotten stuck at a table alone with Jesse, who was even less polite without people around to hear. He hadn't said anything directly, but his passive aggression toward Blaine convinced him that he must be interested in Rachel. The tension combined with the extra effort of keeping up appearances meant Blaine was ready for the night to end.

            Jesse thankfully moved to the other side of the room to have a deep conversation about _Hamilton_ with someone whom Blaine had met earlier and immediately forgotten. Rachel was busy talking to one of her cast mates.

            So, with some of the pressure off, Blaine was eyeing Kurt carefully. For the last forty-five minutes, he'd been in the opposite corner with some stupidly tall, blonde guy, leaning in as the guy said something into his ear and then bursting into laughter. Kurt's cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, and Blaine wondered just how many drinks he'd had.

            It was if Blaine weren't even in the room, as Kurt and Ken-or-whatever-his-name-was talked and laughed and—was he touching Kurt's arm?

            Blaine pulled out his phone and opened his group chat with Kurt and Rachel. He was finished sitting there pretending to be someone he wasn't and watching Kurt flirt with some other guy.

 **BA:** Can we please get out of here?

            He watched them both look at their phones and then glance over at him before responding.

 **RB:** Give me five minutes.

 **KH:** YES! See you soon :)

            Kurt said goodbye to Daniel and beat Blaine back to the apartment by ten minutes.

            He was in the bedroom getting undressed when he heard the front door, and a few seconds later, Blaine appeared, looking tired.

            "You survived," Kurt said sympathetically, hugging him. Kurt went into the bathroom and left the door open so they could keep talking as he started a quick, truncated version of his skincare routine. "Was Rachel happy with your performance?"

            "Yeah. She was grateful. She's going to stage our breakup soon," Blaine replied, tugging off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. "You seemed like you were having fun. I didn't get to meet your friend." He tried to keep his voice light and neutral, but it came out sounding flat and weary.

            Kurt's voice brightened. "That was Daniel! We went to NYADA together."

            "Were you close?" Blaine wondered. He opened his nightstand drawer and retrieved his engagement ring, and slipped it on.

            "We were partners on a couple of projects. He was one of the only guys not constantly sniping at everyone..." Kurt stepped back into the room and trailed off at the look on Blaine's face. "What's wrong?"

            "You two seemed pretty cozy."

            Kurt blinked at him. "Really?" he said disbelievingly. "You're jealous? What do you think I saw when I looked at you all night?"

            "You know it's not the same thing. I was pretending to be with Rachel, and I sure as hell wasn't enjoying it as much as you were enjoying _Daniel_ _'s_ company." As Blaine's voice got louder, Kurt's expression grew more defiant.

            "What was I supposed to do, Blaine, just sit there alone and watch you be straight? And flirt with Rachel?"

            "That makes it okay for you to get drunk and flirt with some guy half the night?"

            "I’m not drunk, and I wasn't flirting,” Kurt shouted back. “Jesus, Blaine, all I wanted to do all night was push you up against a wall and kiss the life out of you so that everyone would see—”

            Kurt’s rant faded into a surprised yelp as Blaine grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a rough kiss that quickly turned desperate.

            "Want you to," Blaine murmured against his lips.

            “Yeah,” Kurt agreed, kissing him again. Blaine's shoulder blades hit the wall with a thud.

            “Fuck,” Blaine said, muffled, into Kurt's neck.

            “Too much?”

            “No. Keep going.”

            Kurt continued where Blaine had left off, unbuttoning his shirt. Between messy kisses they struggled to undress each other without losing contact. When at least their suits were safely, if hastily, tossed onto a chair, Kurt stood between Blaine's legs and ground their hips together.

            Kurt kissed and sucked at Blaine’s neck, leaving little purpling marks along his collarbone. Blaine hissed and thrust up sharply into Kurt. “Just fuck me already.”

            “Impatient,” Kurt admonished.

            Trapped against the wall by Kurt's body, Blaine felt held, like he couldn’t move but he wouldn’t want to anyway. Their hips found a quick rhythm, and Kurt nuzzled his face tenderly against Blaine’s neck even as he thrust more roughly.

            “Just like that,” Blaine murmured, his fingers digging into Kurt's skin. He kissed Kurt, rough and dirty. Blaine whined into his mouth and Kurt felt him come apart, his body tensing beneath him. A moment more and Kurt followed him, groaning into his ear. Blaine pushed away from the wall and guided them to the bed, which they both sank into bonelessly.

            They lay there in silence for a minute, sweat cooling and drying on their skin. Blaine grabbed the pack of baby wipes out of the bedside table and cleaned himself up.

            “We’ve never done that before,” he noted, sounding much calmer than Kurt felt.

            “I’m pretty sure we’ve done that a whole bunch of times,” Kurt replied.

            “I mean angry mid-fight sex,” Blaine clarified, handing the pack to Kurt.

            “Yeah. Maybe not the best way to resolve conflict.”

            "I'm sorry," Blaine said to the ceiling. "I know you didn't do anything wrong. I hate jealousy. I trust you. I was miserable all night, and I took it out on you, and that's stupid. I’m an asshole."

            Kurt turned his head to look at him. "You’re not an asshole. And you’ve never flown into a jealous rage before," he said teasingly, "so do you have a guess as to what was this really about?”

            Blaine sighed. “I don’t know. I got a glimpse of what it would be like to be in the closet. The life my parents wanted for me. Stuck with some girl and wishing I could be with the guy across the room. I can't imagine pretending like that all the time, constantly worrying that I'll give something away. I'm not cut out for a double life."

            "No. You’re a terrible liar,” Kurt said with a kiss to his shoulder. “Watching you be straight was weird. I kept imagining this alternate universe where you were Rachel's doting boyfriend and all I could do was watch you from afar."

            Blaine made a face. "It sounds like a gay Disney prince story. Like Aladdin, but instead of pretending to be royalty he pretends to be straight. And he falls in love with some prince who's only pretending to be straight, too, but neither of them knows it."

            Kurt continued, "And they carry on the charade so long that one of them almost marries a girl out of the heartbreak over not being able to have the person he loves, and at the last minute they learn they should have just been true to themselves in the first place!"

            Blaine laughed. "At least there's a happy ending."

            Kurt smiled and propped himself up on an elbow. “If it helps, Daniel's married. More importantly, I'm engaged. The first thing I did when I got home is put this ring back on," Kurt said, pressing his left hand into Blaine's chest and gazing down at it.

            Blaine spun his own band around his finger. "It was weird being without it.”

            "Watching you tonight, it made me feel really lucky that I get to be with you. You look at me...like that," Kurt said with a smile, eyes roaming over Blaine's face, "and you mean it. I'm so proud to be with you."

            Blaine smiled softly, his eyes a little shiny. "I hope so. I want you to be. I'm so sorry. I had no right to yell at you like that."

            "I forgive you. Rachel owes us big time. We should tell her about the fight. But leave out the make up sex.”

            Blaine chuckled and pulled Kurt closer, settling in against him. "I really love you."

           "Love you, too," Kurt said through a yawn. “You’re doing laundry tomorrow,” he added.

 

 ------------------

 

            "Blaine, you and I are officially over," Rachel announced a week later.

            Blaine put a hand over his heart, as if stricken. "Just like that?"

            "I told Jesse that you broke up with me because you were having a crisis of sexuality. He was very supportive and sympathetic to what I must be going through."

            "Yes, I'm sure it's very difficult for you," Blaine said sarcastically. "Thank you for not telling me what else he said about me."

            Rachel deftly ignored him. "I can use the pain to lend authenticity to my raw, emotional performances. I think in another week or so, you'll break the news to me that you're dating Kurt, whom you've had a crush on since meeting him. It will be a bit scandalous for my best friend to date my ex, but my friendship with Kurt is strong enough to withstand the minor betrayal, and I'll give you my blessing as long as you're happy together."

            "That's very gracious of you," Kurt snarked. "At least your fictionalized soap opera is based on true events, so if you end up dating Jesse, Blaine won't have to just be in the closet for the rest of your life."

            She stood up and hugged each of them. "I owe you both for doing this for me. Thank you again, Blaine, for our brief romance."

            "We'll always have Paris," he replied.

            Rachel smiled and waved goodbye as she let herself out of their apartment.

            "She is literally insane," Kurt said, eyes wide.

            "We are supporting characters in her delusion."

            "In her alternate reality version of us, I was so irresistible that your heterosexuality couldn't withstand my hotness. That's something."

            "I already don't understand how anyone withstands your hotness." Blaine stepped closer, into Kurt’s personal space. “Now that we don’t have to sneak around behind Rachel’s back, what do you say we take this to the bedroom?”

            “Oh, god, can I veto role play ideas?” Kurt whined.

            “Or we’re having a sordid affair and she’s none the wiser.”

            “Cheating isn’t _sexy_ , Blaine.”

            “Or I’ve just come out of the closet and you’re teaching me the joys of gay sex.”

            Kurt chuckled. “All right, then, get your virgin ass over here.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hate writing sex, but it fit well into this story arc.


End file.
